Heart Like a Wheel

According to the ancient yogis, age is measured not by years, but by the flexibility of the spine, which naturally degenerates over time (this is good news for me since I just became a year older, and my spine seems to be in relatively good shape). However, there is a pose called wheel—a rather intense backbend—that I still find quite challenging if not darn near impossible (there's a lovely supported version that I can do handily, however). In this pose you basically plant your hands and feet on the ground and lift up into the shape of a wheel (you begin on your back face up toward the ceiling; check with your neighborhood certified yoga instructor for details!). Not easy! I’ve heard tell that the venerable BKS Iyengar as a young man (master, appropriately, of the very popular style of yoga called Iyengar yoga) used to practice this asana (or pose) on discarded tires.

            Well, that's all fine and good, but I would like to add that in addition to the flexibility of the spine, the thing that really keeps folks young is a flexibility of heart and mind. As I see it, those who embrace life with an openness and grace of acceptance and flow, are those who seem to do better in terms of aging. A sixty-ish fellow I know, for instance, just keeps racking up physical problems and diseases. Divorced, he won’t date a certain kind of woman (only slim blondes need apply), will only eat a certain kind of very bland, American food, and heaven forbid would never even consider entering a yoga studio for fear that someone might be chanting. In the meantime the problems just keep multiplying, and the more ailments, the more meds. The man appears much older than his sixty years. While I feel compassion for this fellow, he’s also a frustrating bloke to spend any time with.

            With all due respect to the ancient yogis, who certainly knew what they were talking about, I would like to submit that while a flexible spine is an advantage it’s the open heart that’s the ticket. But I will also concede that the yogis knew their stuff—it’s virtually impossible to do a backbend without simultaneously opening your heart.

Reach for the Stars

To start off the New Year, one of my dreams was smashed to smithereens. I won’t go into the gory details, but let’s just say something I’ve wanted for a very long time is clearly not going to happen (at least not in the way I planned).

            This got me thinking about the message I’ve been giving my kids all these years (and quite likely, if you’re a parent, you’ve been doing the same thing). Telling them to reach for the stars, encouraging them to be anything they want to be, cheering them on when they say they want to be a rock musician, a famous architect, or fly to the moon. As parents, we seem to think it’s our duty to be the yes-sayers rather than the naysayers, to tell our kids “Yes you can!” (as long as it’s something good).

            So at what point do we start telling the truth, do we start saying, “Your wants and desires may never be fulfilled, you may work all your life only to fail at the one thing that you’ve ever really wanted?”

            Well, that would be pretty harsh, wouldn’t it? And I don’t think it’s really the way to go. But sometimes I think we’d do our kids a favor if we’d point out that not everyone gets to be number one. In many paths of life there is only ONE number one, and if you miss that mark, you’ll have to re-focus on something less, or different.

            I’ve "failed" so many times in my life that I’m not really that crushed any more. I may drag around for a day, week, or perhaps even a month before I wake up one morning and say to myself, “So what! So your plans didn’t turn out as you hoped. Get over it and move on.”

            In fact, maybe if I’d had less disappointment in my life yet another knock-down would be harder to take. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to, as my best friend describes it, “re-frame” the picture, so that I could look at it in a different way.

            I’d like to think that in 2013 we’ll all get exactly what we want, but I know the chances of that happening are pretty slight. Maybe, as the lyrics go, we’ll get what we need. Or maybe we won’t get what we want or what we need, we’ll get something even better.

Sometimes I recall how disappointed I was when I didn’t get the house of my dreams (but the house I did get turned out to be right next door to a wonderful woman who became one of my very best friends). I didn’t get the job I wanted at a swanky women's magazine (instead, I ended up at a wonderful photography magazine). My second baby wasn’t a girl (as planned). He was a boy who turned out to be an amazing blessing (as were my first and third boys). And so on….

Sure, I’ll keep reaching for that star (and telling my kids to). But when I miss the mark, I must remind myself that there are an infinite number of twinkling lights in the universe.

           

            

A Walk in the Sunshine

When I woke up this morning, I thought, “Oh, what a beautiful day!” The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and it was cold, but not so very, very cold. Some ice and snow coated the ground, but not enough to make walking impossible (in fact, my husband went for a run).

            But the bed was so warm, and I was so comfy, and it just seemed like a good morning to sleep in. Besides, I thought, I can walk later.

            Later, however, I had to bake some cookies and a pie for a friend in need; and then I had laundry to do, and writing. A few times I looked out the window and thought, “Well, the day is still beautiful! I’ll get out for a walk after lunch.”

            But then, the phone rang, and I remembered I needed to make the bed upstairs because a guest is coming to visit, and I had to finish a book I was reading and write a review, and I had to check my email a hundred times and see what was happening on Facebook…and

            Well, before I knew it the sun was almost gone and the other son in my life was on his way over for dinner. I did manage to go out into the yard and snap a few pictures as the sun was on its way down. But the walk in the sunlight was no longer a possibility.

            Of course, that got me thinking, especially since it’s almost New Year’s Eve and the beginning of 2013. And because it’s the time of New Year’s resolutions (which I don’t especially care for), I nevertheless resolved that the next time I wake up to a beautiful day (which very well could be tomorrow) the walk in the sunshine comes first. The walk—for me, for you, for us—should come before everything and anything. Because if we keep putting it off and putting it off, you see what happens!

            Although walking is a healthy endeavor, and great for fitness, of course you know that’s not all I’m talking about. Just sayin’, whatever the sunshine in your life really is, go for it now, while it’s still bright, shiny and within reach. There will always be laundry, work, commitments, responsibilities…dishes to wash and so on. But as Yogi Bhajan--one of my favorite yogis-- said, “Excuses are self-abuses.”  

So take your walk in the sunshine now. I’ll be right behind you.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas...and to All a Good-Night!

(: Photo by Kathryn E. Livingston

House by Francine Lipani

Goody Goody for You...

My kids are pretty much all grown up now (though they still like to act like ten-year-olds once in a while), so I don’t really have to think about things like children’s birthday parties and goody bags any more. But the other day, for some unknown reason (maybe because of all the gift bags I’ve been filling for the holidays), I had a fleeting, fond memory of the goody bags we used to give to the kids as they left a party.

            I’ve heard tell these goody bags have gotten more elaborate and expensive than they were even just a few years ago, with kids expecting all sorts of treasures to be inside in addition to the usual lollypops or stickers. And that led to thoughts about what I might like in a goody bag if I were to go to a grown-up party, and specifically what might be appropriate to put in the goody bag of a mom. This is what popped into my mind:

            1) A five-class card to my favorite yoga studio

            2) Two tickets to a Broadway show

            3) Some really nice soy candles

            4) A coupon for a free mani-pedi or massage

            5) A box of fancy white chocolates

            6) Some cool earrings

            7) “Free Day” passes upon which my family members do not ask me, “What’s for dinner?” or expect me to do anything other than what I feel like doing (which just may be absolutely nothing).

            8) A bottle of pure sunshine

            9) Leg warmers        

           10) A hefty wad of cash

           

Yes, I know it’s silly to be thinking of mommy goody bags at a time like this (when I should theoretically be out shopping for others), but it doesn’t hurt to dream. 

Tis the Season...

© Pilar Echeverria | Dreamstime.com

...to feel harried. No matter how solemnly I promise myself that I will not get stressed out or depressed in the holiday season it always seems to happen. Maybe it’s the mall (I like to blame everything on malls), which I so expertly avoid all the rest of the time. Maybe it’s the winding down of the year, and the knowledge that once again I’ve not accomplished even a quarter of what I set out to do. Maybe it’s the impending start of a New Year, and the realization that another year has gone by and I still haven’t straightened up my home office.

            Or…maybe it’s just that holidays put an inordinate amount of stress on mothers (or that during holidays mothers put an inordinate amount of stress on themselves). I learned this trick from my own mom (bless her soul), who up until the last Christmas of her life hosted the holiday for the entire family (not that I want to blame my mom for what was basically a lifelong devotion to her kids and grandkids). But she did set the bar pretty high. There was nary a store-bought piecrust to be seen (everything made from scratch), and as for presents—everyone got something requiring thought and care. No gift cards, no cash, no easy way out. She was not a perfectionist by any means, but she did shop and bake with love.

            Of course, I rationalize, my mother was what was then called (and maybe still is) a “home-maker.” She didn’t work outside the home, nor did she have a home-based business. Today, such moms seem to be few and far between. Most of us are doing something to make money and keep our families afloat besides--or in addition to--baking brownies and attending PTA meetings (but if that is what you do, more power to you!). 

            In any case, this is the time of year when I have to remember that it’s okay to take shortcuts. I can order my Christmas cookies from a bakery (or pray that my pastry-chef niece will send some), I can use the Internet for choosing presents or gift cards, I can buy a bag of frozen green beans. (I draw the line at the piecrusts, though…in my mother’s honor!)

So before the stress gets out of hand, I must remind myself (and maybe you must, too) that it’s the time of year when we need to take a deep breath, be grateful for what we have, think presence not presents, and realize that the memory of a calm and loving holiday will stay with our kids and families long after the gifts are forgotten.

Bring It On!

Winter, that is. I’m ready for you. But just a few days ago I was bemoaning the fact that winter is ‘round the bend. In fact, I woke up feeling that I just couldn’t face it. Overnight, the temperature had dropped about 30 degrees, there was snow on the ground, the sky was gray, and it had started to rain and sleet. I did not want to get up.

            But then my husband (usually the naysayer with such cheery comments as, “This kitchen renovation is going to be a nightmare!” or “OMG, there’s no money in the bank account to pay the college tuition!”) reminded me that winter has some positive qualities. Such as?

            Well, cozy beds, for one thing. And also birds flocking at the feeder—so pretty to watch. Not to go all “Sound of Music” on you, but once I started thinking of all the things I like about winter, I just couldn’t stop. I love the look of sparkling holiday lights at night. And winter always makes me happy to drink tea (normally, I’m a decaf lover). Sun shimmering on snow (love those "s" words) is glorious (when the sun deigns to come out, of course).

 And though holidays can be immensely stressful, I do enjoy having my young men/ “kids” all in the same place at the same time, eating healthy food prepared by yours truly. And though bad weather can be tiresome, irksome, and just plain annoying, it’s also occasionally nice to know that you can’t go out. Winter weather gives us a good excuse to just read a book or make soup (sadly, excuses seem to be needed for this sort of luxury in the hectic world in which we now live).

            So without mentioning whiskers on kittens (or on mittens), I will admit that the winter season has some wondrous qualities. If only it were just…a bit…shorter!