Though I know that prayer has real power I used to think that wishes were just for fun. That was before Covid-19. Back when this Covid nightmare started, I penned some thoughts about things I wanted to change in my life. Strangely enough, with the “lock down” many of my “wishes” came true. Now that we’re beginning to emerge from this nightmare, I wonder whether I’ll leap back into my “old” life. Maybe you're wondering, too. Here’s what I wrote about one year ago:
Sometimes, I wonder if maybe my penchant for magical thinking has caused this whole Covid-19 mess, even though it’s crazy to imagine that my secret thoughts would have that much impact. So, how could I possibly pin this on myself? Well, for one thing, I’ve been thinking secretly for months that I am sick and tired of getting pedicures and haircuts. I know many women enjoy the pampering, but it always seemed a waste of time. Teaching yoga, however, one’s feet are constantly on display, so pedicures are kind of de rigueur. Likewise, as much as I love my hairdresser, who’s been trimming my tresses forever, I’ve privately also been thinking that I am just plain tired of going to the salon. These thoughts have been going out from my brain into the cosmos: “I don’t want to go get a pedicure. I don’t want to get a haircut…” In yoga-speak, co-creating my reality, manifesting if you will. And now, of course, no pedicures or haircuts for months!
Also, my constant mantra has been: ‘I don’t want to drive.’ The two yoga classes I was teaching before the Pandemic required me to get on busy highways in rush hour. I’d pretty much conquered my fear of rush hour driving but in the back of my mind I kept wishing I didn’t have to deal with traffic. Now, I haven’t driven on a major highway in months. My best friend says she may be getting agoraphobic from not going anywhere, and I wonder if that will happen to me, too. I wonder how many people will come out of this afraid to drive or go to a grocery store. Still, it seems like the collective wishing may have brought this on. I mean, no one wished for a Pandemic, but if people all over the planet are secretly bitching the way I was, who knows?
I’ve also wished constantly for more time with my husband. That’s strange because we’ve been living in an empty nest ever since our youngest son went to college, and we should probably be sick of each other. But pre-Pandemic I was always rushing out the door to teach or go to a yoga class or shop or get to some kind of appointment, and he was running around too, since pre-Covid there were Broadway shows and operas for musicians (like my husband) to play. Quite often I just wished we could hang out more together and not have to worry about going anywhere. And now? It’s uncanny. We’re always together, and quite happily so.
Of course, I also wished for a lot of things I didn’t get (like $250,000, a trip to Italy, and a cute tiger kitten like the one I had when I was ten) so I guess it doesn’t make sense to self-blame. Nevertheless, I also…
Wished for a nearby falafel shop and one opened at the foot of my street.
Wished that the teacher would open our Zoom yoga class relaxing on our backs instead of with a challenging pose because I was tired, and it happened.
I even wished—long before Covid-19 --that we could do yoga teacher trainings online. And now that’s all there is!
I certainly didn’t wish for all this tragedy and illness. And I sure have been praying it would all go away.
And it looks like…hopefully… that prayer that we’ve all been praying may one day come true.
Honestly, I know my wishes don’t create reality…but just recently I commented that I’d trade the falafel place for the end of this Pandemic any day.
You guessed it: The falafel place is closing.
The curious thing is, I really don’t know how many of the things I wished away I do actually want back. This whole wretched (and yet in some ways miraculous) year has certainly made us all get our priorities straight. And I think most of us would agree that giving our loved ones an actual hug is a lot more important than straight bangs or pink toenails. In fact, a year of not doing a lot of things that really didn’t matter very much has brightly illuminated the things that matter quite a lot.